My Poproks

The continuing significance of the MTV Video Music Awards is beginning to completely mystify me. At this point, the whole “MTV doesn’t even play music videos anymore” argument has become cliche and annoying. It’s so beyond a punch-line, it’s not even a joke anymore. So, I thought to myself, “maybe this is an old cliche;” sort of like how people think the French are rude (didn’t really get that impression). I wanted to give MTV the benefit of the doubt for one last time.

I’ve been wondering what qualifications MTV even has anymore to give out an award for music. In order to determine this, I’ve decided to review a full day of programming on MTV, and decide how much of it could actually pass for “music television.” To qualify as “music television,” It doesn’t have to necessarily be music video programming; just something (anything) that could remotely pass for music related content. I was actually quite pleased with the results, and may re-consider my views on the channel all together. I’m kidding.

A day on MTV (August 27, 2007 schedule):

6:00am - 8:30am MTV Video Wake-Up

Bingo! There you have it. The first thing MTV shows in the morning is 3 hours of music videos. I already feel a lot better.

8:30am - 9:30am The Big Ten

A morning show dedicated to the 10 biggest videos of the moment, music news and interviews? So far, so good.

9:30am - 10:00am Engaged & Underaged I do Re-do

Oh crap. What the hell is this? It’s not even the show Engaged & Underage. It’s more like Real World Reunion…except we’re re-watching the couples’ episode of Engaged & Underaged, along with never before seen footage…of…whatever. This is disappointing. How things have changed in a half hour…

10:00am - 11:00am My Super Sweet Sixteen Remix

Yet another show of recycled clips and bonus footage of another show. Not only do you get to watch people with more money than you and get angry (16 year olds with more money than you, at that), but you get to watch the recap! It’s getting painful…

11:00am - 12:00n Making The Band 4

OK, I’ll admit…this show is pretty awesome. I didn’t get enough with Making The Band 1-3 (slight sarcasm). Who doesn’t love to see Diddy get angry at 18 year olds who shit their pants when he even looks at them funny? Seriously. Best of all, this would most certainly qualify as music related content.

12:00n - 12:30pm Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County

A pseudo reality show about rich kids in California? Bla bla bla Laguna Beach bla bla bla milk it for all it’s worth.

12:30pm - 1:00pm Real World: Sydney

I guess this speaks for itself; arguably the show that started it all. Real World will never go away. Obviously this isn’t music related, but even within itself… Real World has become boring as hell. The black guy, the gay guy, the guy that hates black people & gay people, the blonde…I feel like it’s the same season over and over.

1:00pm TRL

Yes, it’s music related, but……..::sigh::

2:00pm - 6:00pm Made

No, seriously? 4 hours of Made, a scripted ‘reality’ show slightly above Next on the list of most embarrassing things to actually sit and watch? Speaking of Next, where is it? A day without Next is like a day without sunshine.

6:00pm - 8:00pm Parental Control

How could I forget about Parental Control? It’s pretty much a toss-up between this and Next. Some mindless entertainment to wrap up the day…

8:00pm - 9:00pm The same episodes of Real World and Newport Harbor that were on at 12.

9:00pm - 10:30pm The Hills

See 12:00n.

10:30pm - 11:00pm Life of Ryan

Is this a play on Life of Brian? Probably not. This seems kind of cute though. It’s about a teenage skateboarding phenom and…uh…that’s it. I think it is admittedly fiction, and it’s not about music, in case you were wondering.

11:00pm - 12:00m Two more episodes of The Hills. Enjoy.

12:00m - 12:30am Repeat of same episode of Life of Ryan. And it’s still not music related.

12:30am - 4:30am Next

Yes. Thank you, God.

4:30am - 5:00am Step and Repeat: The Best and Worst of VMA Fashion

Eh, almost. Close.

5:00am - 6:00am MTV After Hours

I remember when After Hours started at 1:00am, and you could watch music videos all night (in their entirety! That hostility is meant for TRL, not you). Even waiting until 1:00am to watch music videos on Music Television seems a bit unreasonable. Before that, they usually started at midnight with Subterranean (which I think is shown on MTV2 every other leap year), and of course 120 Minutes, which I’ve definitely seen on MTV2 at 3am. Good times. Ever notice that they showed a Ministry video in every episode?

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September 11th is a day that will forever go down in infamy. No, not because of the attacks on the World Trade Center, but because of the simultaneous release of both Kanye West and 50 Cent’s new records. Curiously enough, both of their labels changed the drop dates for Kanye’s Graduation and 50 Cent’s Curtis by two weeks, making the long time rivalry of words an all out war.

50 has already promised to end his solo career if Kanye outsells him, and this was after demanding that Kanye push back his release date. 50 has also bashed Kanye for his infamous comment on President Bush and Hurricane Katrina (he may have been the only black rapper in this Nebula to disagree with that statement), and has even gone as far as to attribute himself as the reason for Kanye West’s success.

Kanye West seems to be sitting back and enjoying the show, releasing 3 singles from Graduation this summer (”Can’t Tell Me Nothing,” the album version of “Stronger,” as well as a remix featuring Young Jeezy). He has not voiced much of an opinion on the matter, other than the fact that the release date will not be moved. In an article on VH1.com (Kanye West Says He’s Ready To Pit His Album Against 50 Cent’s), Kanye said, “I’d rather come out on a day like that and be #2… rather than come out and be #1 on a day nobody cares about.” Humble as pie. That’s Kanye.

It wouldn’t be possible to find two artists that are less alike than Kanye and 50. In the one corner, you have Kanye; the son of a doctor who raised him in the suburbs of Chicago, who raps about dropping out of college while sporting a light yellow Polo golf shirt. In the other corner, you have 50; a drug dealer from Jamaica, Queens who has been shot 9 times and wears a bullet proof vest to bed every night.

The same could be said for them musically. The pop heavy Kanye has worked with Coldplay’s Chris Martin on his new record, while 50’s single “Ayo Technology” (originally titled “Ayo Pornography” before Universal made him change it…seriously) is a futuristic cyber sex theme song featuring Justin Timberlake at his most frisky; “I’m tired of using technology/I want you to sit down on top of me.” Dirrty! Of course, they are both bad boys at heart. Kanye hasn’t missed one politically charged benefit concert, shouting “we need some new leaders to follow” at this year’s Live Earth. And 50…well, 50.

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I’m not going to sugar coat this at all. I was in the park with some friends, and we started discussing the state of popular modern rock music. We couldn’t help but notice how much of it is….bad. Personally, I rely more on the strength of modern Hip Hop and Pop radio to get me through the day. Of course, there are always exceptions, and this list developed into a very complicated and asterisk laden mess.

Here are the rules:

• Only bands who have released an album within the last 5 years may be on the list. Greatest hits and solo records do not count. This may explain the absence of such acts as Creed, but fortunately for us.. Limp Bizkit is still eligible! (May even get bonus points for replacing the “s” with a “z” in Greatest Hitz. Uh uh, don’t forget the Wes Borlandless 2003 gem Results May Vary…That’s for sure.

• The band must have been a major label artist within the last 5 years. Meaning, if a band made a completely respectful and artistically evolved album with no budget on Basement Band Records after a major label run, they are still eligible.

• One decent song does not exclude you from the list. An asterisk will be placed next to any band with arguably one decent song. Two decent songs may still earn you a slot in the ‘Runners Up’ list.

• The list was narrowed only to bands from the United States. Oops, and Canada.

• Canoodling a Hollywood It Girl on Sunset or claiming on Howard Stern that you ate one out does not exclude your band from the list. Fred Durst, I’m looking at you…again.

• The more successful your band, the more likely you are to be on this list. Really, who’s buying all of these records? It’s like that joke about Creed. They’ve sold a billion albums, but can’t get anyone to admit to it! I had to cut many bands off of the list, because they simply didn’t make a big enough impact for us to care, or haven’t yet. Ex: Trapt, Finger Eleven, Alien Ant Farm, Adema, Hinder. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Seether, Avenged Sevenfold (c’mon, I know you hate them too), etc. (more…)

Well, well. If it isn’t Interpol. The coolest indie (EDIT: mainstream) band this side of the Atlantic. Two releases on Matador and 800 Joy Division comparisons later, Interpol have emerged with a major label debut so confusing, that no one has any idea whether it’s good or not. Lead singer and guitarist Paul Banks blankets the band’s post-shoegaze anthems with words so direct that they are completely baffling. Three albums in to their short (yet impressive) career, they’ve taught us an extremely valuable lesson; There’s no “I” in threesome.

While there isn’t one music critic in the whole of planet Earth who wouldn’t love to give Our Love to Admire a bad review, many have concluded that it’s too close to call. However, I’ve come by a small amount of reviews which seem to be straining not to call it “absolute shit.” This isn’t because Our Love to Admire is a bad record. In fact, Our Love to Admire is an amazing record. The real issue is the fact that Interpol have cursed themselves the way many bands do; they made a perfect debut. Not only does this mean that their sophomore and everything that follows will be under intense scrutiny, but in all likely-hood will be considered absolute shit before it even hits the itunes store (unless, of course, you’re the Arctic Monkeys - see Arctic Monkeys are Bigger Than Jesus).

So, according to lead singer Paul Banks, there’s no “I” in threesome. It seems juvenile, but Banks somehow makes it insightful. This is where the confusion comes in. “Baby, it’s time we give something new a try.” Who can’t relate to that? But maybe it speaks on more than just Banks’ staling relationship. Perhaps this is an analytical comment on Interpol’s third album, which also happens to be their Capitol Records debut. Trying to peg Interpol’s musical intentions and lyrical symbolism is harder than trying to think of a better influence to site than Joy Division (801). The more abstract and innocently lost Turn on the Bright Lights seemed as if it was paving the way for Interpol to be the next Radiohead (actually be the next Radiohead, not “sound a lot like Radiohead” or “want to be just like Radiohead real bad” or “not be nearly as good as Radiohead“). Somewhere between then and now, they strayed off of that path and seem to have embraced the rock band that FUSE TV would want them to be. Is this necessarily a bad thing? No. I think? I don’t know.

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